I’ve been to many places, traveled afar, gone here and there, and flown many passengers to different northern destinations. I’ve journeyed through life and have just about seen it all. I’ve documented my travels over the past thirty years and been told I’m a memorable and fascinating character. Of all the people you meet in life, there are some you never forget. In some other lifetime I’d like to meet myself if I could, spend a few days with her, listen to her stories, learn of her life, experience what she’s like, laugh, talk, and have conversations.

Wouldn’t it be neat if you could meet yourself? Would we get along with ourselves because we have so much in common, or butt heads because we are so similar? My dad once told me that near the end of your life, you will be lucky if you can count the number of your true, genuine, long time companions on one hand. So far in life, I can say I have less than a full hand.

I have many friendships in life. It’s the ones who have been with me for the longest that mean the most, who have seen me through damn near everything — those are the ones that I cherish the most. The one friendship I’m still working on is with myself. I have been since I can recall. It comes naturally to me to make fast friends with others. I find people fascinating, all different shapes and sizes, different stories, unique individuals.

Over the past few decades I haven’t been to kind to myself. I am my worst enemy — I find it much easier to be kind to others. Constantly reliving past mistakes and failures, poisoning my body with copious amounts of alcohol to numb the pain, never knowing the way out. I blamed myself as much as I blamed others. Why is it so difficult to treat myself with kindness, forgiveness and tolerance? I treated myself with a lot of disrespect and grew to hate myself for it. Many people treated me the same way, probably because they saw the way I was treating myself. It all led to failure and became more painful as the years passed. It’s like living with someone you despise and there’s no escape.

If you play with fire long enough, you’re going to get burnt, as I did in many situations. The illusion that I was winning at life was just that; in reality I lost all self control, self respect, self will and hope. On the outside everything looked great, yet inside I was slowly dying. Something inside of me finally broke and the only escape from self was suicide. The torment just became too much.

My hope is that you never know that kind of torment. If you do — maybe you know me? You’re not alone, and knowing you’re not alone can be the comfort you need to survive another day. Not that long ago, I felt like I was the only one on the planet that thought like I did and acted like I did. I’ve now come to discover that there are many people out there that have similar struggles. We just don’t talk about what’s going on inside of us… the average person doesn’t talk about it! That’s what this blog is all about — I’m willing to be vulnerable and talk about the things rarely ever talked about, so we can come together.

Is it silly to think of having a friendship with yourself? We tend to only think of being friends with others. After being my worst enemy for so long, I’m working on building a relationship with myself… working on the divide that has kept me from loving myself. If I can so easily love someone else, what keeps me from that same love for self? Is it because I know all my secrets, mistakes and failures? Is it because I expect myself to be perfect and I know I’m not?

What kind of freedom would come if you allowed yourself the love and respect you deserve. I can tell you because I’m taking that chance now. I’m finally making the choice to love myself, and believe in myself. To be a friend to myself, rather than an enemy. I don’t always get it right, but the more I search within myself, the more I find. When I allow myself to do what I love, I discover profound inner peace. When I stop fighting myself and everything around me, I’m a much happier person.

Maybe you know what it’s like to suffer in silence? Maybe we are all a lot more similar than you might think? I know you! Do you know me? Let’s come together, let’s share, let’s hold hands and walk this journey together.

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